Why is everyone mad at Oprah? Because she read a book and didn't know it was bad? You should see the books I have read to me! I think some of them are made up too. A giant red dog, cows that type, a curious monkey who flies through the air with balloons--even I'm not buying some of this hogwash. Why isn't Oprah denouncing those books, too? Maybe I should get my own television show and appeal to a younger audience.
Meanwhile, it's official: I've given up my second nap. I'm thinking of giving up the first one, too. I mean, who has the time? I'd rather be rockin' and rollin', or at least bloggin'. I've heard accusations that I'm cranky when I don't nap enough. But that's...total fiction. WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING CRANKY ANYWAY?? Huh???

Luke must think he's hot stuff. He's 22 months old and has two Web sites, one of them called lukeseelye.com, according to this New York Times story. Well, I'm not impressed. For one thing, his dad bought up the Web name. And his parents post everything on these sites. What a weenie this kid must be! They're just using him, probably to put up a bunch of stupid baby pictures. For your information, Mr. Lukeseelye.com, I do all my own blogging. And the story boasts that he "knows his animals." Well, so do I, and I'm just 13 months. Moo, Meow, Woof, I've got them all covered. And I'm so much younger. So how come the New York Times isn't writing up Abby the Babyblogger? I'm with the Seattle woman who questioned why these parents were buying up e-mail addresses for babies that are barely out of the womb. "That's like getting e-mail for your dog," she said. I agree. Woof!

I turned on the TV yesterday and the Alito hearings were on. Honest. So I decided to check it out. I almost took a premature nap. These senators are better at whining than I am! And why was the judge's wife crying? Was someone a meanie to her? I quickly switched to Elmo instead.

Blogging has been light. The reason is Elmo. I've got a new Elmo tape and I now spend six or seven hours a day watching it, or demanding to watch it. Finally, I get some control of the programming around here. Instead of having to watch some stupid football game, or dumb newscast, or today's hearings on Sam Alito -- more boring than being stuck in a sandbox with no pail and shovel -- I insist on watching the red one. I have found that simply repeating his name over and over is a very effective lobbying device. And Elmo is plenty smart. He can even count to 10!
Update: I just learned to turn on the TV by myself. There was a guy named Montel Williams interviewing a stripper. Whoa! I'm not sure what a stripper is, but maybe there's more to life than Elmo.