I am totally bummed. Here it is, New Year's Eve, and I don't even get to stay up till midnight. Waaahh! In fact, I got taken out for a very early dinner. Isn't that what old folks do, not young party animals like me? In the restaurant, I used my new walking skills to go over to the bar and sat on one of those tall stools. I saw all the liquor bottles on the shelves. I motioned for a beer. The bartender asked me if I had ID. Can you believe it? This was New Year's Eve, of all nights! What is ID, anyway?
Since I couldn't get served and couldn't stay up late, I made up for it by having a fine whine.

I'm jealous of Jetta. She's 11 months old--younger than me--and, according to this New York Times story, she has an HP laptop. Can you imagine! Here I am blogging away and I have to sneak onto my parents' computer, while this spoiled brat has a laptop, a VideoNow player and a whole bunch of other electronic toys. The piece is about whether babies learn anything from this stuff. Boy, are they clueless. I can surf with the best of them when I get my hands on the mouse. Don't you think it's time I got my own equipment?
I'm just back from Malibu, where I went to a Christmas show at the local elementary school. The buzz was that a lot of celebrities' children were in the show, including two of Kenny G's kids. Very exciting, except: Who is Kenny G? And why doesn't he have a last name?

I've decided that this walking thing is overrated. I mean, now that I'm finally doing it, it's four steps and fall down, six steps and fall down. How am I ever supposed to get anywhere? It's sooo much more efficient having someone carry you around. But I do like the standing ovations I get every time I manage to stagger for a little while. Grownups! They're so easily impressed.
Meanwhile, I see Bush said in a TV interview that he does so read newspapers. Too bad. Because that was one thing I had in common with the president. I don't read newspapers either. Of course, in my case I can't read. I can't remember what his excuse was. But now he claims he does. Although I notice he didn't say whether he likes it.

Forget naptime, I'm blogging

Finally, a woman for the evening news! Hooray! I now know what I wanna be when I grow up. Either that or Geena Davis in the White House, ordering a bunch of men around. So now there's a network anchor named Elizabeth. My only question is, why does she need that other guy, Bob whathisface? He'll only get in the way. Ms. Vargas is clearly the star. I heard that ABC is going for a younger demographic. Well, they've got me. Appealing to 1-year-olds should definitely help their numbers.
Meanwhile, I've now got a toy with Cookie Monster. But I hear he's gone all PC and is now trying to get kids to eat fruits and vegetables. What a sellout! How dumb do they think we are? Either he keeps chomping chocolate chips or I'm defecting to Elmo.