Uh-oh. Looks like I may have trouble getting into college. I'm failing in Advanced Scissors at preschool. How am I supposed to know how to cut things up? Certain people at home never bothered to buy me anything sharp. To make matters worse, this boy at recess keeps taking the bike that I wanted to ride. I was so mad. I may slug him. Then I might not graduate, and no college will take me.
Iowa, Iowa, Iowa. Why do I keep hearing about that place? Where is it, anyway? And what is a caw-cus? Nobody ever explains the things you hear on the news. And where am I supposed to get my toys now that all the ones from China are poisoned?

All right, boys and girls, raise your hand if you can name all the people running for president. (I've been spending a lot of time in preschool. It rubs off.) Let's see, there's Hillary, Rudy...Who's this new guy, Huckabee? I hear he lost 100 pounds. That'sore than I weigh! Now that I can eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I hope I don't get that fat. Will people vote for you because you lose a lot of weight? I keep hearing people talking about this Kucinich guy and how he's got a beautiful wife.
Oh, and this Oprah thing. I've seen her show on TV. Now she's campaigning for another guy with a funny O name. How are we supposed to keep it all straight? Do people do whatever Oprah tells them to do, the way I have to listen to my teachers when they tell me I have to stop painting because it's circle time?