I'm a standup gal! Everyone breaks into applause as I balance on my own two feet. Blogging is a lot easier, because you can sit down as you pound the keyboard. Plus, I don't do things the easy way, like holding onto the furniture and then letting go. I sit in the middle of the room and slowly rise up until my legs are supporting me. Different view from up here, I must say. Of course, I could have done this a couple months ago, but why bother when you can crawl everywhere in seconds? The only real reason I'm standing is for the adulation. I LOVE adulation. Because after I stand, I can't really go anywhere, can I, so what's the point?
I saw a dumb-looking turkey with Bush at the White House the other day. Was Bush really thinking of eating him before changing his mind? What a cruel world.

What's up with Bob Woodward? He kept the Deep Throat secret until I was six months old. That was a long time, I thought. But now he won't talk about another source in this CIA case and everyone is spanking him. I thought his job was to keep secrets. Why is everyone mad at him? He didn't even write a story about Valerie Flame or whatever her name is. This whole thing is too confusing for me.
But who cares? I got wheels! Waited my whole life, but I finally got a car. It has a horn and everything. You have to use your feet to make it go, but it works great when I'm not banging into walls. This could really upgrade my lifestyle. Psst: Don't tell anyone that I don't have a driver's license!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's roughly all I said for my first four months. Nothing could calm me down, except running the ol' vacuum cleaner. That's why, in my calmer, more mature state, I was interested in this New York Times story about colic. It suggests all kinds of ethnic folk remedies: Colombian cinammon tea? Latin American spearmint plant? Chinexe acupressure? Indian oil massage? All I ever got was wrapped in a blanket and loud shushing. If only they'd gone the tea-and-massage route, I might have mellowed out much sooner!

I wuz robbed. CNN kept saying that Karl Rove was going to come on. The guy with the beard kept saying so. I wondered whether he was going to talk about the CIA story. But then it turned out he was just giving a speech. And a boring speech! He kept talking about how he was a Federalist and thanking everybody. CNN got out of there in a hurry. Otherwise I was going to drool on the remote until the set went off.
But who cares about that? I got wheels! Yup, my very own car. It even has a horn. You have to make it go with your feet, but it's very cool. Plus, I can push it around the house, which beats walking, especially when you can't walk, like me. I hope nobody finds out I don't have a driver's license. They don't ticket babies, do they?