Just got back from New York and boy did I have a great time. The family kept trying to interest me in some green statue holding up a torch outside the hotel window, but that didn't do much for me. I got to go on the escalator--up and down, at least 50 times. And they don't even charge for the ride! Now that was fun. There were also presents. Well, I deserve it, since I have to provide the entertainment at every family gathering. And I got to listen to all kinds of rock and roll on the car ride back. So much better than the kiddie stuff they usually play for me.
I see they're having a big Mardi Gras party down in New Orleans. Sign me up! Do they let babies in? What happened to all the flooding? And why are people dressing up in costumes if most of the place has been drowned? Maybe I'll just stay home, where it's dry.

How come Dick Cheney is allowed to play with a real gun and then shoot some poor guy? My parents don't even let me wield a sharp pencil. Will they take Cheney's gun away now? Are the birds safe? Did he get a time out?
Meanwhile, what would America do without all these Elmo products? I just got a pair of shiny white Elmo shoes to go with my Elmo diapers, Elmo books, Elmo videos and Elmo stickers. Do you think Elmo gets rich from all this stuff? Or does he have to give some of it to his agent?

What's so super about the Super Bowl? A bunch of guys running up and down the field, back and forth, back and forth. I don't get it. I see occasionally they kick the ball, the way I kick my beach ball around the house. And I like the guy with the whistle--I blow one too, you know, until it drives everyone crazy.
And who were those really, really old musicians singing at halftime? They were called the Stoned or something? They looked like they needed rocking chairs.
The only thing good about the game is watching the commercials, although my parents turned off the sound for one where a woman was--well, I'm not sure what she was doing, but it looked interesting.
I guess soccer is my game. I tried playing basketball the other day, and when someone shot the thing it bounced back and bopped me on the head. Why do they make those balls so big, anyway? I could have a very nice lawsuit on my hands.