Who is this woman Ellen, and why is she blubbering about her dog? Waaaaah! They keep showing it over and over on TV. I mean, dogs are okay, but this lady sounds like me when I've gone too many hours without a pacifier. How did she get her own show, anyway? She was supposed to keep the dog and she gave it to some other family. She should be spanked.
I should report that I'm enjoying pre-school. But I only play with the girls. The boys are kind of clueless. I don't like to play with boys. The only boy I like playing with is Daddy.

I went to a bar last night. True story! I bet none of my friends have done that, and they're already 3.
Okay, they didn't let me drink anything stronger than water, even though it was in L.A., where Britney and Lindsay are always getting smashed. But I got to soak up the atmosphere. The grown-up conversation was boring, so I watched my Kipper video on a portable player. Now if I can only sneak back in here on my own, get some fake ID and...

Hahaha. How did that sound? Not too real? How about this: HAHAHAHAHA!
I've been, uh, practicing my laugh. Everyone on TV is talking about Hillary Clinton's laugh and whether it sounds too phony. I guess you can't be elected president without a good laugh. Listen to Elmo: Now that's genuine! So I'm practicing.
I'm also developing a fake laugh. I figure if I'm going to be a TV reporter, I need that when someone says something that's not really funny and you have to pretend. I'm very good at make-believe.
I wasn't laughing when I started pre-school. It was a little bit scary at first. Suddenly, I'm left to fend for myself with all these strangers? But it turns out I like school. You get to paint and play in the sandbox. So now it makes me smile.