Tom Cruise has been a bad boy? He lost his job? He can't make movies any more? I always thought there was something strange about that guy, even if Mission Impossible I and II were made before I was born. What did he do wrong? The TV keeps showing him jumping up and down on a couch. I do that all the time! Did he say some bad words, like Mel Gibson? What's with that silly-looking girlfriend of his, who's always gazing at him like he's a big shot? And who is the old guy running Paramount? Nobody ever explains these things. But everyone seems to be enjoying Tom's big time-out.
Meanwhile, I had an awesome time in New York. Although everyone wonders why I keep using that word. They think it belongs in the '80s. Duh! I wasn't around in the '80s, so it must be making a comeback. Anyway, I had a naked romp. (Aren't there always headlines in the supermarket about movie stars like Tom Cruise having a naked romp with some other movie star?) Well, mine was in a playground when the sprinklers went off. I didn't have a bathing suit, so I just ripped off the clothes, pushed down the old diaper and ran into the water. What? You find that shocking? Is it illegal or something? Hey, it was hot, and I didn't see any boys around.